Good Morning.
Nothing big to report here. In fact, it's feeling like that more and more. I think I might actually be done trying to keep up the blog. I promise that when there are new biggies I'll post about them but this way I can stop having "did you write on your blog" looming over me and trying to make me feel guilty. I swear, I have enough issues with feeling guilty about this and that, I feel like if there is one that I can kick to the curb I should really do it.
So, farewell. Thanks for keeping up with me. It's been great to have people listening. And commenting.
Josh and I should be starting up neurofeedback at home pretty quick here and with that up to three times a week who knows what we'll see. If there's anything earth shattering, or even mildly interesting, I'll post about it.
That's pretty much all I've got for updates.
Again, thanks for hanging in there with me. This blog was something else when I first started writing on it. Thinking back to then it's really stark how far I've come. And you've all been on that journey with me.
Much love,
Ang
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Hi.
Not much today but a bit. I had my first TBI Advisory Board meeting this week. I think it went well. I was not the only survivor there, but was the only one my age. There were quite a few other survivors. Mostly it was an update meeting on how the current studies are going in the Model System at the UW. And I was able to provide some I thought useful feedback at one point. So that was good. Made me not just feel like a lump on a log.
And I guess I just now made a new realization a few minutes ago. I was washing my hands in front of a mirror and I took a moment to look at my pic line scar on my neck. That one really used to bother me but it is hardly noticeable at all any more. Progress. No matter what it feels like, things are still improving and moving. Sometimes it feels really stagnant but oh, it is not. I am still making big improvements, just on different stuff now.
And I had another great session with the happy clappy TBI shrink. We are working on how to get me to stop comparing everything to the person I was before. I used to get so much of my identity from my ability to have good output - be it work or intelligence or anything else. Now I really get to figure out what it feels like to get my identity from being a child of God. Really good for me but pretty scary too. I've always known that that's who I am but I always had all the other stuff to fall back on. I knew it in my head and not my heart. Now I get to really rely on being a child of God to give me all I need for identity. Wow! God sure is opening new doors for me that I don't think would have come about without this accident. He is so good! And I think my relationship with Him is just going to get better from slogging through this stuff.
That's what I've got for now. Boy oh boy, my at-home therapy stuff is really starting to get big. If I forget to tell y'all about it, somebody remind me. I am up to about my eyeballs in stuff to do at home now. Whew.
Have a good one. Talk at ya later.
Ang
Not much today but a bit. I had my first TBI Advisory Board meeting this week. I think it went well. I was not the only survivor there, but was the only one my age. There were quite a few other survivors. Mostly it was an update meeting on how the current studies are going in the Model System at the UW. And I was able to provide some I thought useful feedback at one point. So that was good. Made me not just feel like a lump on a log.
And I guess I just now made a new realization a few minutes ago. I was washing my hands in front of a mirror and I took a moment to look at my pic line scar on my neck. That one really used to bother me but it is hardly noticeable at all any more. Progress. No matter what it feels like, things are still improving and moving. Sometimes it feels really stagnant but oh, it is not. I am still making big improvements, just on different stuff now.
And I had another great session with the happy clappy TBI shrink. We are working on how to get me to stop comparing everything to the person I was before. I used to get so much of my identity from my ability to have good output - be it work or intelligence or anything else. Now I really get to figure out what it feels like to get my identity from being a child of God. Really good for me but pretty scary too. I've always known that that's who I am but I always had all the other stuff to fall back on. I knew it in my head and not my heart. Now I get to really rely on being a child of God to give me all I need for identity. Wow! God sure is opening new doors for me that I don't think would have come about without this accident. He is so good! And I think my relationship with Him is just going to get better from slogging through this stuff.
That's what I've got for now. Boy oh boy, my at-home therapy stuff is really starting to get big. If I forget to tell y'all about it, somebody remind me. I am up to about my eyeballs in stuff to do at home now. Whew.
Have a good one. Talk at ya later.
Ang
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Hi.
I've got some pretty big, at least to me, stuff to bring you up to speed on.
Yesterday I had another good session with my happy-clappy TBI shrink guy and we are on a roll. We started on the not-so-fun grief/loss counseling that comes along with this kind of trauma. Not so fun, but good.
And I made a big step in OT. I don't have to wear my wrist and thumb brace all the time anymore. Yeah! But my OT did say that I really should start trying to type with both hands so this blog posting is now sort of a chore. My tone really seems to kick in and my fingers don't want to move. Oh well, hopefully it'll get better the more I do it.
And I had a really big thing go down yesterday too. For the first time since my accident I felt comfortable in my body. I felt like me rather than my insides in a broken shell. It felt REALLY good. I don't really have the same feeling today but I'm just going to try to maintain the high of having it yesterday. Gotta try and go with what you got.
And I also, for the first time yesterday, actually took note of how much better it feels for me to walk. I remember when I was first learning to walk again I never thought I would ever get to the place again where walking would just come naturally - I thought it would ALWAYS be laborsome and I'd ALWAYS have to think about each individual part of it. But yesterday I realized that I'm actually there, it does just come naturally. I don't have to think about it. Just one word sums that up - SUCCESS!
I'm sure I could think of more to say, but honestly I'm tired of struggling to type.
Talk at ya later.
Ang
I've got some pretty big, at least to me, stuff to bring you up to speed on.
Yesterday I had another good session with my happy-clappy TBI shrink guy and we are on a roll. We started on the not-so-fun grief/loss counseling that comes along with this kind of trauma. Not so fun, but good.
And I made a big step in OT. I don't have to wear my wrist and thumb brace all the time anymore. Yeah! But my OT did say that I really should start trying to type with both hands so this blog posting is now sort of a chore. My tone really seems to kick in and my fingers don't want to move. Oh well, hopefully it'll get better the more I do it.
And I had a really big thing go down yesterday too. For the first time since my accident I felt comfortable in my body. I felt like me rather than my insides in a broken shell. It felt REALLY good. I don't really have the same feeling today but I'm just going to try to maintain the high of having it yesterday. Gotta try and go with what you got.
And I also, for the first time yesterday, actually took note of how much better it feels for me to walk. I remember when I was first learning to walk again I never thought I would ever get to the place again where walking would just come naturally - I thought it would ALWAYS be laborsome and I'd ALWAYS have to think about each individual part of it. But yesterday I realized that I'm actually there, it does just come naturally. I don't have to think about it. Just one word sums that up - SUCCESS!
I'm sure I could think of more to say, but honestly I'm tired of struggling to type.
Talk at ya later.
Ang
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Good morning.
Hope all is well with y'all. I'm doing pretty darn well on this end. Lots of forward movement in my life.
I got my heel switch figured out with the help of my PT and I am now trying to walk with the estim 30 minutes most every day.
I am almost officially graduated from PT. I have one more follow-up session in two weeks and then I am officially done. Never thought I'd see this day nearing.
I had a really good acupuncture/cranial sacral session on Tuesday. I told my acupuncturist that I'm beginning to process emotionally and sort of drowning in that at times. He said that from what he could tell though I may be doing a lot more emotionally he couldn't detect any emotional problems. Plus he said that he could detect that I've made significant improvements even in just the last month as far as my energy goes so he was able to do some more intense cranial sacral work with me. It must have been really big improvements because at my last session he said that my next session would be my last and now he thinks there's more work that he can do. Woo hoo!
And the happy-clappy TBI shrink was really good too. And my mom says he's a psychologist not a shrink so I should probably point that out. Anyway, my time with him was very beneficial. We are starting work on a surface level intervention of some of my unhealthy thoughts. For the past week my homework has been to stop every time I make an "I" statement and change it to a "part of me" statement. This is meant to combat my absolutist tendencies and self-labeling and generalizations that I commonly fall into. I know it seems small but it really makes a lot of my self talk a lot less overwhelming. And it was pretty funny when I texted Josh "part of me doesn't know what part of me would do without you". Hee hee. :)
And work has been going well lately too. I am about half way through my first experiment that I am fully responsible for. And it's successful so far. Granted I am not doing all the work on it since I'm only there 3 days a week, but I am in the drivers seat and my initials are on the schedule next to the spaces blocked out for the tanks. It's a pretty big deal to me. I'm doing what I used to do. Successfully. Nobody EVER thought I'd be able to go back to this. And I'm doing it. Thank you, Jesus!
I got a new splint this week too. It's a shoulder splint that works on external rotation. It is AWESOME! I decided to "just try it" with no expectations and realized this morning how much I like it. It's a good stretch and I am able to get in and out of it solo. And that's a BIG deal! So I'll be able to use this splint without needing help from anyone. I feel like it's kind of an avenue for me to progress in independence in my therapy stuff. Yeah!
And I learned how to knit a couple days ago. I'm starting a scarf for my OT. It's not as pretty as the ones grandmas make but the yarn is super soft so it'll be nice anyhow.
Ooh, and, I almost forgot, I'm on a big adventure for today. I'm going to try to go get a tattoo. I'm really hoping it works out. I'm getting Joshua 1:9 on the inside of my right forearm. For those of you who might not know, Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." I'm so excited. Considering this verse pretty much got me through the transition from the nursing home back to Harborview for inpatient rehab and I continue to cling to it and it gets me through MANY days even now I think it'll be a great tattoo.
And lunch with Annie was great on Sunday too. She is so nice. We had a really good time. And Drew is making HUGE steps. If you want to check out his story go to www.caringbridge.org/visit/drewdinsdale. He is really moving right along. And it was nice to get to support our sister in Christ who is going through a similar struggle. It was wonderful and a little bit creepy to get to hear how much Annie has struggled from the bedside of Drew and see how much Josh could really relate and connect to and understand that. I think I really lucked out that I don't have any memory of that. I cannot imagine how hard that must've been. My goodness, my husband has been through so much. Please pray for him for healing and the ability to keep moving forward with me. And the same for Annie too.
That's pretty much where I'm at.
Talk at ya later.
Ang
Hope all is well with y'all. I'm doing pretty darn well on this end. Lots of forward movement in my life.
I got my heel switch figured out with the help of my PT and I am now trying to walk with the estim 30 minutes most every day.
I am almost officially graduated from PT. I have one more follow-up session in two weeks and then I am officially done. Never thought I'd see this day nearing.
I had a really good acupuncture/cranial sacral session on Tuesday. I told my acupuncturist that I'm beginning to process emotionally and sort of drowning in that at times. He said that from what he could tell though I may be doing a lot more emotionally he couldn't detect any emotional problems. Plus he said that he could detect that I've made significant improvements even in just the last month as far as my energy goes so he was able to do some more intense cranial sacral work with me. It must have been really big improvements because at my last session he said that my next session would be my last and now he thinks there's more work that he can do. Woo hoo!
And the happy-clappy TBI shrink was really good too. And my mom says he's a psychologist not a shrink so I should probably point that out. Anyway, my time with him was very beneficial. We are starting work on a surface level intervention of some of my unhealthy thoughts. For the past week my homework has been to stop every time I make an "I" statement and change it to a "part of me" statement. This is meant to combat my absolutist tendencies and self-labeling and generalizations that I commonly fall into. I know it seems small but it really makes a lot of my self talk a lot less overwhelming. And it was pretty funny when I texted Josh "part of me doesn't know what part of me would do without you". Hee hee. :)
And work has been going well lately too. I am about half way through my first experiment that I am fully responsible for. And it's successful so far. Granted I am not doing all the work on it since I'm only there 3 days a week, but I am in the drivers seat and my initials are on the schedule next to the spaces blocked out for the tanks. It's a pretty big deal to me. I'm doing what I used to do. Successfully. Nobody EVER thought I'd be able to go back to this. And I'm doing it. Thank you, Jesus!
I got a new splint this week too. It's a shoulder splint that works on external rotation. It is AWESOME! I decided to "just try it" with no expectations and realized this morning how much I like it. It's a good stretch and I am able to get in and out of it solo. And that's a BIG deal! So I'll be able to use this splint without needing help from anyone. I feel like it's kind of an avenue for me to progress in independence in my therapy stuff. Yeah!
And I learned how to knit a couple days ago. I'm starting a scarf for my OT. It's not as pretty as the ones grandmas make but the yarn is super soft so it'll be nice anyhow.
Ooh, and, I almost forgot, I'm on a big adventure for today. I'm going to try to go get a tattoo. I'm really hoping it works out. I'm getting Joshua 1:9 on the inside of my right forearm. For those of you who might not know, Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." I'm so excited. Considering this verse pretty much got me through the transition from the nursing home back to Harborview for inpatient rehab and I continue to cling to it and it gets me through MANY days even now I think it'll be a great tattoo.
And lunch with Annie was great on Sunday too. She is so nice. We had a really good time. And Drew is making HUGE steps. If you want to check out his story go to www.caringbridge.org/visit/drewdinsdale. He is really moving right along. And it was nice to get to support our sister in Christ who is going through a similar struggle. It was wonderful and a little bit creepy to get to hear how much Annie has struggled from the bedside of Drew and see how much Josh could really relate and connect to and understand that. I think I really lucked out that I don't have any memory of that. I cannot imagine how hard that must've been. My goodness, my husband has been through so much. Please pray for him for healing and the ability to keep moving forward with me. And the same for Annie too.
That's pretty much where I'm at.
Talk at ya later.
Ang
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Hey there,
Happy Halloween! Hope it's a fun day for you all and especially for your kiddos who are about to get jacked up on candy and make your lives as miserable as they can. Oh joy - the excitement of the beginning of the holidays!
I really don't have much right now. My head has sort of been in the dumps lately but I guess that is just sort of par for the course. I finally got low enough yesterday that I committed to calling the happy-clappy TBI shrink at Harborview and making an appointment. Just have some nasties to slog through and I think I need some help. Despite the aforementioned title I really like the haapy-clappy TBI shrink. He's great. He's not all sugar-coated or oh-this or oh-that, he's pretty down to business but gentle and a good listener. I'm hoping he can be helpful with managing this poo pile I'm living in right now. It is kind of weird though. My mom's take on where I'm at is sort of hopeful. She thinks that maybe now that I'm now starting to plateau a little bit in my physical recovery I have the energy needed to really start my emotional recovery. Makes sense. I don't think I had the energy to deal with this head stuff while I was working SO hard learning to walk again or learning how to take care of myself again. Now that I don't have to work so hard at that stuff, maybe I'm having the energy to work hard on healing in other ways. Don't get me wrong, it sucks to be where I'm at, but I think it needs to be done. It's part of the process.
A little bit of other news - we ordered at-home neurofeedback equipment and it should be getting here soon. It'll be really nice to not have to go all the way to Bellevue to do that kind of therapy. And having my own equipment makes me able to take it with me when I travel. Now I'll be able to continue therapy while I'm in Alaska for Christmas rather than being forced to have a big hiatus in therapy because I'm out of town.
And I'm excited because we get to go have lunch with Annie today. She's Drew's lady friend. Drew is the guy we know of that got hurt at the end of August. He was in a coma and is now starting the road to recovery. I think it'll be really nice to be able to support her, share our experiences with her, answer any questions she has, and pray with her and for her. I'm just a little scared that I'll cry the whole time. But I think I'll be able to at least quasi keep it together because we all have that nice automatic internal function where if we don't feel like we're in a safe place to cry we just won't.
Kinda funny how useful that function has become for me. I used to be so tough - never really cried. And now in the words of my husband, "She just goes water works." Weird. But I guess that's just part of the new me - who I am now that my brain got banged around a bit.
Would appreciate prayer for the shrink stuff, and that I can beat myself up about it less.
Thanks.
Talk at ya later.
Ang
Happy Halloween! Hope it's a fun day for you all and especially for your kiddos who are about to get jacked up on candy and make your lives as miserable as they can. Oh joy - the excitement of the beginning of the holidays!
I really don't have much right now. My head has sort of been in the dumps lately but I guess that is just sort of par for the course. I finally got low enough yesterday that I committed to calling the happy-clappy TBI shrink at Harborview and making an appointment. Just have some nasties to slog through and I think I need some help. Despite the aforementioned title I really like the haapy-clappy TBI shrink. He's great. He's not all sugar-coated or oh-this or oh-that, he's pretty down to business but gentle and a good listener. I'm hoping he can be helpful with managing this poo pile I'm living in right now. It is kind of weird though. My mom's take on where I'm at is sort of hopeful. She thinks that maybe now that I'm now starting to plateau a little bit in my physical recovery I have the energy needed to really start my emotional recovery. Makes sense. I don't think I had the energy to deal with this head stuff while I was working SO hard learning to walk again or learning how to take care of myself again. Now that I don't have to work so hard at that stuff, maybe I'm having the energy to work hard on healing in other ways. Don't get me wrong, it sucks to be where I'm at, but I think it needs to be done. It's part of the process.
A little bit of other news - we ordered at-home neurofeedback equipment and it should be getting here soon. It'll be really nice to not have to go all the way to Bellevue to do that kind of therapy. And having my own equipment makes me able to take it with me when I travel. Now I'll be able to continue therapy while I'm in Alaska for Christmas rather than being forced to have a big hiatus in therapy because I'm out of town.
And I'm excited because we get to go have lunch with Annie today. She's Drew's lady friend. Drew is the guy we know of that got hurt at the end of August. He was in a coma and is now starting the road to recovery. I think it'll be really nice to be able to support her, share our experiences with her, answer any questions she has, and pray with her and for her. I'm just a little scared that I'll cry the whole time. But I think I'll be able to at least quasi keep it together because we all have that nice automatic internal function where if we don't feel like we're in a safe place to cry we just won't.
Kinda funny how useful that function has become for me. I used to be so tough - never really cried. And now in the words of my husband, "She just goes water works." Weird. But I guess that's just part of the new me - who I am now that my brain got banged around a bit.
Would appreciate prayer for the shrink stuff, and that I can beat myself up about it less.
Thanks.
Talk at ya later.
Ang
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Hola.
How you doin'? Hopefully well. Things are chugging along over here.
Let's see - what's been up lately? A few things. I've been having more trouble lately than I have in quite a while just getting around. My left side has been feeling really heavy lately so it takes some real effort to move it around. Especially going up stairs. And my muscle spasticity has been a lot greater lately too. I feel really tight on my whole left side. The best way I can describe it is you know your first big stretch in the morning after you get up? You know how all your muscles tighten up and that's when you usually let out a little grunt? It's like that for me ALL the time on my left side.
What else? We started a new community group last night. It was great! I think God will really use it grow us, to grow the other people in it, and to reach the community. It felt good! It was super comfortable and everybody was really nice. And genuine. I can't wait to see where it goes.
And other stuff? I have officially settled in to my new head space about the physical challenges I'm experiencing. Now when life gets tough for me physically I say a little prayer, "God, I trust you and I know that I am in the best possible place for me to be. Please help get me through right now and help me to exude faith so that You are made much of and glorified."
And? I think I am making some real headway in neurofeedback. One of the things where we're working with the electrodes right now is supposed to have an effect on is emotional awareness and communication. And that it is! I have been a lot clearer with how I'm feeling in the past week and have taken a HUGE step towards "normal". Ever since I was baby I've needed me time. Time where I just am by myself. When I was a baby that was apparent when I would just scream until someone put me in my crib, left the room, and shut the door. When I was a teenager it was apparent when I would just go inside my walk-in closet and shut the door. No matter who or how many people were around. And last week I felt for the first time like I needed some me time. And I was able to communicate that to Josh and then just go in our bedroom and shut the door. This is a REALLY big step forward for me! Yeah! Progress!
That's where I'm at.
Talk at ya soon.
Ang
How you doin'? Hopefully well. Things are chugging along over here.
Let's see - what's been up lately? A few things. I've been having more trouble lately than I have in quite a while just getting around. My left side has been feeling really heavy lately so it takes some real effort to move it around. Especially going up stairs. And my muscle spasticity has been a lot greater lately too. I feel really tight on my whole left side. The best way I can describe it is you know your first big stretch in the morning after you get up? You know how all your muscles tighten up and that's when you usually let out a little grunt? It's like that for me ALL the time on my left side.
What else? We started a new community group last night. It was great! I think God will really use it grow us, to grow the other people in it, and to reach the community. It felt good! It was super comfortable and everybody was really nice. And genuine. I can't wait to see where it goes.
And other stuff? I have officially settled in to my new head space about the physical challenges I'm experiencing. Now when life gets tough for me physically I say a little prayer, "God, I trust you and I know that I am in the best possible place for me to be. Please help get me through right now and help me to exude faith so that You are made much of and glorified."
And? I think I am making some real headway in neurofeedback. One of the things where we're working with the electrodes right now is supposed to have an effect on is emotional awareness and communication. And that it is! I have been a lot clearer with how I'm feeling in the past week and have taken a HUGE step towards "normal". Ever since I was baby I've needed me time. Time where I just am by myself. When I was a baby that was apparent when I would just scream until someone put me in my crib, left the room, and shut the door. When I was a teenager it was apparent when I would just go inside my walk-in closet and shut the door. No matter who or how many people were around. And last week I felt for the first time like I needed some me time. And I was able to communicate that to Josh and then just go in our bedroom and shut the door. This is a REALLY big step forward for me! Yeah! Progress!
That's where I'm at.
Talk at ya soon.
Ang
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