Monday, January 25, 2010

Wow - I made 2 big steps yesterday!!!

The first was something I've been waiting for but didn't expect anytime soon. I was actually thankful for my accident last night! Every Christian knows temporally that apart from Christ you are dead but He slow-pitched to me to give me concrete proof. Apart from Christ I am dead on Delridge. He is the one who kept me alive, woke me up from my coma, and has been carrying me ever since. I just feel really lucky to know that without a doubt. So not only am I thankful for my accident but I can even see it as God's grace. What a trip!

The other big thing yesterday was not quite so good. I think I've officially retreated to the sad phase. Mostly I'm just having a real hard time with how hard this has all been on my husband. I just wish I could take it away from him. I wish I could be better and take care of him. Just feeling like a burden again. Kinda sucks but at least I know it's not truth. I know that he is happy to take care of me. Hell, he's just glad I'm not dead. But it's still hard.

Well, I think that's all I've got for now.

Bye.

Ang
at

1 comment:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 27, 2010 at 6:27 PM

    I tried to reply from work, but we're blocked from blogging. By the way, alias' are just that stinker. alias', in cognito, anonymous...
    You reminded me, with this post, of Jesus in the garden.... ya' might want to read some of that when you are down, and he had even seen the other side before his test.
    Your life is very hard because I am sure you feel we put you up on that pedestal where we all expect you to do your best, enjoy life and be thankful...? Well, we expect you to be human too... not perfect. You do have it tough and it is hard, but pick up that chin baby girl...! Look at others less fortunate, Haiti for example....
    I also want to put into perspective for you your comments about your husband (and your Mother's feelings too). I would imagine, if you asked them when then happiest moment in your shared lives were, that on that day, it was when you wrote on that tablet. You see we new you were in there, but Josh was worried that he would never get his Angela back. Probably if you ask him today, it is the moment he comes home from work and sees and holds you. You are his gift, his joy and what makes him happy. When he thought he lost you, he was very sad. He isn't now and it shows in everything he does. You are NOT A BURDEN to him. Just ask him. Josh would take care of you every moment of your life, if he had to, just to have you in his life. He may get tired sometimes, but you are what refreshes him. You are the giver of peace and solitude in his life. You comfort him. Just ask. He will tell you.
    I know, because I always wanted a family and when I met my wife, I became the luckiest man in the world. I see these things in my life and I know from seeing Josh, he has that in his.
    You do take care of him when you keep trying, when you hold him and comfort him.
    I pray that one day you two can have that child or children so you can witness love to them and show them the comfort and trust of true family. Your Mother's, your friend's and Josh's effort and love through this whole ordeal has been a witness to all of us. One that I don't think I could come close to matching with the same faith they had.
    So, in closing, take comfort in the love that surrounds you. Live for the moment and the moments to come. Move out of the past and where you were. Get back that hope and laugh that everyone loves from you. Ask your husband what I have addressed to get your faith back.
    You are a beautiful, worthwhile person and you have yet a lot to give to this world.
    Your mission is not accomplished yet, marine...!
    I can't wait to meet you either.
    with much hope and love;
    Semper Fi (not you know who)

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