Hi.

Back again, and with lots to say. Thanks for all the questions. I'll get to those first.

Q: What kind of work do you do at the lab?
A: Technically, bioreactor process development with mammalian cell culture. In plain English, I play with cells all day to try to make them as happy as possible so they poop out as much drug candidate as possible in the shortest amount of time possible.

Q: When do you think you will return to work? Part or full time?
A: That was one of the big things I just did - got my return to work paperwork sent in. Now I just have to wait for the disability insurance and Amgen to duke it out. Could be really soon. Could be a while. No idea how long that will take. And when I come back It'll be for 2 half days per week at first.

Q: How does your memory feel these days?
A: Pretty much the same. There's seemingly random holes in my long term memory and my short term, working, and prospective (lingo from psychotherapy group) seem right on point. I still have about 2 months that are just unaccounted for in my memory from a few days before the accident to about 8 weeks after.

Q: How's cooking going?
A: Pretty good. Still way cut back on things like daily dinners but I'm slowly getting back to fun treats for people. I made flourless chocolate cake for my gluten-free chiropractor, caramel corn for my PT student, and turkey taco pie for my OT assignment for all the rehab folks at Harborview. And, Holly, if you're still reading, none of it was "scrumptious".

Q: Do I want people to hang with during the day?
A: Heck yeah. Always up for some fun. I've been pretty crazy packed with therapy and other appointments lately but that should settle down after next week. And Mom is usually pretty up to babysit kiddos so if you want a little adult time just shoot me an email on the city or something. Could be nice for both of us. Hopefully I'll be back to work soon so I won't have as much free time.

Q: Will Josh and I take any trips this summer?
A: Hope so. The Oregon coast has been calling to us. And we want to take up some family on the offer to go to the Pend Oreille River (sounds like Ponderay River) and veg. Plus we have some friends we'd really like to visit in Spo-Compton (Spokane).

Q: Does my left arm feel better in the pool?
A: Not really but it seems to get a lot more movement in the pool. My range of motion just seems to be getting bigger and bigger. And usually I'm really proud and feeling really good when I can make my left arm cooperate in the pool and help me tread water, etc.

Now for what's up...I'm moving along on the HBOT. Got 4 treatments down and not noticing anything huge yet. But my left hand doesn't seem to clench much anymore while I sleep and there's a spot on the back of my left hand where I don't feel the pins and needles anymore. Don't know if this from the HBOT but I'll take it!

And I got my back to work paperwork submitted so I'm moving on that front.

My sense of smell is still back. The only bummer about it is that I no longer have one of my favorite TBI jokes - best part of TBI is that my $#!} doesn't stink any more. :)

Did something really cool at the chiropractor last week...muscle testing. It's where you pretty much just hold the bottle of things and your body tells you whether or not it likes them. Sounds kind of hokey, I know. But try it. Just put one arm out straight at shoulder height and have someone try to push it down after you say "I am a man" and "I am a woman". Goes down pretty easy on the lie and stays up pretty strong on the truth, huh?!?! Cool! If you're holding something your body likes it will stay strong and if you're holding something your body doesn't like it'll go down pretty easy. Found out what my body says it wants for some vitamins and my arm went down pretty easy holding both medicines I'm currently prescribed. Interesting.

And this weekend is being spent at the TBI conference for WA state for 2010. It's pretty cool. Today I heard a great talk about interdependence and about dealing with grief! And a hilarious talk about the importance of humor. Which I totally agree with. Don't think I could have made it this far without some good laughs. The grief talk was fabulous too! Most poignant part for me was when the speaker was talking about guilt. She said to try to listen to what your guilt is telling you rather than try to avoid it. Hmmm, took all of about 15 seconds for me to realize my guilt is trying to tell me to have empathy for Josh. He's been through a pretty darn severe trauma too. And for me to expect him not to have to process however he can is ridiculous. So instead of feeling guilty and like a bad wife I could be just trying to love on him and help him through whatever he's struggling with at the present moment. Might even be good for him and could even strengthen our marriage. No bad there - just good.

Alright-y. That's all from me for now. Feel free to post questions anytime you have them. Kinda gets the juices flowing for me. So if you want to hear more, ask away.

Hopefully I'll have some good news for yall soon.

Stay tuned.

Ang

Hi.

Back again. With not much to say.

Got to go to the pool again. And it was awesome - again. And had a new first this time too. This was the first time I've lost track of time since the accident. I just wasn't paying attention to the clock at all and was actually surprised when they kicked us out at 1:30. Kinda cool, I guess. That was the first thing I actually got lost in. What does that say about you, Sharron?!?! Guess you're just mesmerizing. :)

What else? Let's see - both groups are great at UW. I really like both of them. Even if I am the only one that cries at the psychotherapy group. I was just commenting to my speech therapist today how good I think they are. In general and for me in particular. I was also commenting on how it's kinda nice to go somewhere where everyone's brain injured. Kind of like being part of a little club where you'll be accepted no matter what you do or fail to do. Sort of nice in that respect alone.

Anything else? Not really except that I feel like I'm getting better even right this second. I've been doing acupuncture all along but I recently started taking these Chinese herbs. These particular herbs are supposed to help my sense of smell and possibly my hunger (or lack thereof). And for the first time in months I am smelling a familiar smell right now. Cat poop. Can't say I've really missed whiffing this one but hey, at least I can smell it. I think of my gatos just dropped a bomb in the cat box upstairs and it was special. Extra stinky. And not only can I smell it now but I've been able to smell it for the greater than the last five minutes. Whew!

I think that's really all I've got. A definitive lack of questions since the last post. Is anybody even still reading this blog??? If you are I'm sure you have at least one question. Ask away.

Talk at ya soon.

Ang

Hello.

I'm still around. Just been busy. But along with that goes lots to talk about on the blog. So here goes:

So much to discuss - where to start? Might as well start with HBOT. I've started. Done 2 treatments already. Got 38 more to go. It's going okay. No big difference noticed yet. But the treatments are good. I just lay in the chamber with an oxygen mask on for about an hour and watch a movie. First time in I fell asleep so that's always an option too. But I have no problems with it. Haven't had my ears pop or anything yet. Haven't felt pressure in my sinus' or my ears so that's good. It's easy from my end so I don't mind it at all.

I got to go back to the pool too. Not quite as easy as HBOT. It kicked my butt actually! But it was good too. And I did a few laps in the pool and was able to do one where I backstroked and then took breaks to tread water in the middle of it all. Neato! And I was able to get a lot more help from my left arm to tread water too! Awesome! For the first time I think I actually physically wore myself out during my pool time. If my body could talk it would have said, "just sit down, please". It reminded me of how I used to feel doing super hard workouts or just pushing my body to its breaking point. Kind of neat to feel that way again. I was pretty much done without any physical pain. Kind of nice to get there sans pain. Haven't done that for a while.

And had both my TBI groups again. This time with more people in both of them. Still like them both. And again I cried in the psychotherapy group - twice even. And again no one else did. I think I'll feel better when someone else cries, at least a little. Right now I'm the lone tear haver. We'll see how much longer that lasts. Mom says it's just because I feel like I have something to cry about. I guess that's true. Maybe it's a spring chicken problem. If everybody else (almost) has had their brain injury way longer than me maybe they just don't have anything to cry about any more. Sure hope I won't always feel like I have something to cry about.

What else? Got to go to a friend's house for a really fun dinner. And got to meet their chiwiener. It's a chihuahua / wiener dog mix. Super cute! We had nice dinner and great conversation. They were super comfortable so I had a really nice time. And it was sort of enlightening hearing them confirm that when I feel like I'm a burden on Josh I should reach behind me, grab my hair, and pull it nice and hard to dislodge my head from my ass. Josh has been telling me that feeling is BS from the start but it was nice to hear that other people think it's idiotic too.

And had a big breakthrough personal-wise too. Last Tuesday at community group I identified that I'm pretty much just sitting in the sin of refusing to forgive the person who did this to me and a few other choice people who shall remain unnamed. I totally acknowledged that I knew I was supposed to forgive them, but I didn't even want to. I felt like it was just for me to not forgive them because the stuff they did was so wrong. And I was just sitting in it sort of pleased at knowing that if they didn't repent they'd go to hell for it. Not good on my part. So I quasi took some action and prayed for Christ to change my heart on the matter. So all week God's just been putting on my heart that I don't even know what happened. Maybe no one even did hit me. So holding on to hating that person who may not even exist is doing me no good. Then this morning at church the sermon really broke it down for me as a lack of obedience on my part. I know I'm supposed to forgive I just don't want to. And it really pointed out that praying for heart change on this matter may not be enough. What I want is for God to remove my sin nature and selfishness that's concerned about my comfort. Not going to happen. But what He can and will do is make me see that I want to love and honor Him more than myself. So I forgave the person (if he or she does exist) that caused the accident as well as the other unnamed people this morning not because of my changed sinless heart but as an act of obedience to my good and gracious God who has forgiven me of so much already. Even stuff I did that was bad and wrong and could have huge effects on others before I became a Christian. That's huge!!! God showed me that I could have ruined people's lives or hurt their kids when I was a drug dealer and He's forgiven me for that. Fully. So I shouldn't even want to hold onto this as something REALLY bad that someone did that ruined my life that I don't want them to be forgiven for. I've already enjoyed forgiveness for so much that I should be the first to want others to experience it since I know how awesome it is. Pretty freeing to know I'm not holding onto all that even in my subconscious anymore. Feels good. And feels like a big step in the right direction! If I can do something like this to praise God and bring Him glory then sign me up!

I think that's about all I've got for now. Oh yeah, and Mom and Josh, I've just started chapter five so get off my butt about it.

Maybe it'd be fun to do another question and answer post. So post any questions you might have and I'll do what I can to answer them. Looking forward to them.

And I promise not to wait so darn long before I post again. Sorry about that.

Talk at ya soon.

Ang

Hi.

Despite the fact that my life is sort of boring I feel like I should still be updating the blog. Just might not be as interesting as it could be.

So, what's new? I finally finished my big project for speech therapy. Got my paper written on comparing stirred-tank and culture-bag bioreactors. Then got my power point finished after a few revisions. And finally gave the talk yesterday. Went pretty well. Nobody fell asleep so it mustn't have been too boring. And I reviewed it with my speech therapist today and we had a good discussion about it. Inclusive of making a plan for when I present at work in the future. Have to be sure to have a bottle of water for presentations and remember to drink from it. And even more I have to remember to not only take a quick sip but a deep breath too so I remember to breathe. Was a little weird noticing that the only time I felt like I didn't look different than before the accident was when I smiled. At least that's sometimes. So that's good.

What else? Had a psychologist appointment today and officially did not get diagnosed with PTSD. Good news. To say the least. And he said that my mood changes are pretty normal after a huge life change. So that's hopeful too. And, yes, in case you were wondering, I did tell him that I'm psycho anal. Full disclosure here.

Don't really think there is much else. I heard that the fund did send payment to the HBOT guy so I should be starting that up soon. Yesssssssss. Can't wait to report back on how that is.

Oh yeah, one other little thing - I think that finally the pins and needles aren't the most irritating thing anymore. It's not any better but the tone in my left hand has triumphed as my new least favorite part of all of this. I really hope the HBOT helps with my hand. Or I might chop it off. Not really but you know what I mean. Gets the point across well how irritating it is.

That's it. Talk at ya soon.

Ang

Yo.

All good over here. Had a good psychotherapy group yesterday and a good morning today. No complaints here. Well, at least no new complaints. Still plagued by the same old same old - pins and needles, increasing tone in my hand, and general stiffness. But besides that I'm doing pretty well.

Like I said, psychotherapy group wasn't half bad. And I only choked up once. I was the only one who choked up, but no actual tears, just choking up. And it wasn't all that surprising because it was when I was sharing that I had a really hard time when Josh went back to work. I just said that I used to lay in bed and cry every morning after he left or when I woke up alone and that choked me up a little. Not too bad. We went over the different kinds of changes in personality that come from a brain injury and the changes in emotions that come with a brain injury. Was nice to hear that some of the stuff I've been struggling with is "normal" and nice to hear that I'm not the only one. And it was good for me to hear about "normal" things other people with TBI are struggling with that I'm not having a tough time with. Helps remind me what specifically to thank God for. And I'm not the only spring chicken in this group. There is an older gentleman that had a brain bleed pretty much when I got in my accident. So spring chickens unite - I am alone no more!

And this morning was great. I woke up early-ish and instead of laying in bed I decided to go to the gym. I got up, got dressed, even managed to tie my own shoes and walked over to the gym solo. I walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes. And for the first time I could actually feel my left hip jacking up and trying to help out. So I practiced walking without hiking my hip up, just moving my leg instead. And I could also feel, also for the first time, rolling to the ball of my foot. So I practiced that too. Big successes!!! Can't wait to tell my PT next week! When I was done with my 15 minutes on the treadmill I did 15 minutes on the stationary bike. I tried the regular kind today for the first time. The kind where you're sitting up just like on a normal bike. I noticed a lot of foot drop on my left side. I couldn't really keep my foot flat for more than three go-arounds with the pedals. And it really started to hurt my ankle. So I switched to the recumbent bike after 5 minutes and did my other 10 there. After my 15 minutes on the bike I did 15 minutes on the elliptical. My left arm was too tight to hold onto the arm part that moves so I just held on to the right side that moves. During this my hair fell in my face so I had to stop, balance, and move my hair behind my ear with my right hand. Then I started up again and my face was itchy on my forehead. So I gave it a shot and was able to reach and scratch my face with my left hand! And then again on my hairline next to my left eye! Awesome! And I was able to reach that far with active movement! Progress!

So to celebrate my big successes I got a tasty jamba juice and continued with my day. Other big thing to report is I am going to start HBOT therapy soon. HBOT is hyper baric oxygen treatment. You lay in a hyper baric chamber with 100% oxygen and it's pressurized. Sound weird and hokey? I know. But check it out on the net. Lots of TBI people reported huge helps cognitively, with memory, even with spasticity. So I'm going to give it a shot. And we were lucky enough to find a clinic that offers HBOT for TBI sufferers right here in Seattle. I think the next closest one is in Vancouver, BC. I'm hoping to start this in the next few weeks and can't wait to see if it's able to help me. If it is, I'll take it - and if it's not, no harm, no foul. Worth a shot, that's for sure.

That's pretty much what I've got for now. Celebrating the small successes and chewing my fur about what HBOT is going to be able to do for me. Send up a little prayer that it's a huge success for me too if you have a minute.

Thanks.

Ang

Hey there.

Not too much news here but I'll try to conjure something worth writing about out of my awesome-ly uneventful life. I guess it might be interesting to talk about how I started my cognitive group yesterday at UW. It's all brain injured people meeting to learn about what challenges us cognitively and how to overcome it. I think it'll be pretty good. It was kind of weird though because there were only 3 of us in the class yesterday and both of the other people are old-time brain injured people. Not to say they're old but they've been brain injured a heck of a lot longer than me. One lady's been brain injured for 40 years! That wasn't a typo. 40 years! And the other guy's been brain injured for 10 years. And he's younger than me! Kinda makes me feel like a spring chicken.

Yesterday we talked about attention and distractions and how brain injury sort of turns off the filter in your brain that just tunes things out automatically. Pretty interesting. And illustrated perfectly when the fan came on in the room of speech therapy and it distracted me, I had to stop and acknowledge it, and then I had to make the conscious decision to ignore it. Stuff like that.

So I'm supposed to start a support group type class tomorrow that is for more brain injured people. It's a psychological, feeling type class where we talk about what's different now that we're brain injured, how that feels, and what to do with it now. I'm a little nervous about this one because what if I cry through the whole thing? I'm not much of a mushy, feeling person. I at least like to believe that I'm sort of tough and hardened. In reality, though, I'm like a big egg. I may be tough on the outside but that is a fragile exterior and I am pure mush on the inside. I just don't know if I want to show that to a bunch of people. People I do know I keep it from let alone people I don't know. The reassuring thing is that I at least got an outline of what we'll be discussing while in the cognitive class yesterday.

And I oh-so-gladly got my torture device re-fitted yesterday. That was irony in case you couldn't tell. I had a wonderful break from it post-surgery because it would have been over the stitches. I wore it last night and it killed. My elbow was crazy painful. At least it was a whole new kind of pain. Wasn't a metal-on-metal kind of pain anymore but actually a joint pain. Good but still not enjoyable. So I turned the tension down a little bit and I'll try it again tonight. I think if I ever find out if there was someone who did this to me I should make them wear one all the time and turn it up way too high. He he he - the evil peeks out.

Well, I think that's all I've got. Hope it wasn't too boring. If it was, too bad.

Bye.

Ang

Hi.

Had a good and rough morning all wrapped up into one. And got a check on my perspective. Went to church this morning and listened to a great sermon. The preaching pastor gave 11 tips on how to be a good and gospel centered leader. The one that hit home most for me was the one that hurt comes before fruit. Pretty much that God is good enough and big enough that He takes even that which was meant for evil and uses it for good. After all He took Jesus being betrayed by Judas Iscariot and used it for the ultimate conquer of Satan, sin, and death.

And He slow pitched this to me in my particular current situation this morning. He had this young guy at church come up and talk to me and Josh. I've noticed this guy the past few weeks; he looked new. But I've never talked to him or him to me. Then this morning he walked up to Josh and handed him a note. The note was a little thank you to both of us for sharing our story. He said our story really helped him meet and give his life to Jesus. WOW!!! And he said he just got baptized and now he's plugging along. Holy cow!!! Then he came up and shook my hand and told me that he was at my concert. He said that when I said at the concert if even just one person came to know Christ this whole thing was worth it, that person was him! A little while ago I also got feedback from another friend that her dad started coming to church after hearing about my accident and even started taking communion. Awesome! Now that is fruit! What good news!

And I was standing at home this morning in front of the mirror having a little pity party for myself because the left side of my face doesn't move as much as the right when I talk. I felt like I looked like a stroke victim. And then this amazing news at church. And I was snapped back into reality where I realized even if my face is never the same again that is only a small price to pay for the goodness that Jesus is working out of this whole accident situation. I know I'll be back to 100% once I get my heavenly body and now these people have a heavenly body waiting for them too! That is awesome! People are coming to know God through my situation! Praise Jesus! Isn't that amazing?!?! What a good and gracious God we have!

And through it all He has never just left me to figure it out. He has been by my side through this whole thing. And He's been loving and caring for me the whole time. And Josh too! He's been so good to us we can't even express it. And he's been using some of you as his tools to bless us since the day I got hurt. Wow! Thanks for being there! What y'all have been doing for us is no small thing. You've been instruments of God's grace. Even if you haven't known it.

Thanks for hanging in there. And God bless.

Ang

Hey there.

Well, the funk has passed. For now at least. I'll take it. Thanks for hanging in there with me through it. And thanks for all your encouraging words too. Really means a lot. And it's helpful to be reminded that I'm not alone in all of this. Other people feel similarly and make it okay. So there's hope.

Good news for today is I got my stitches out yesterday. Awesome! Kinda sore but the nurse only had to give a good tug to 4 or so to get them out. Not bad when you think that there were 19 all together. Other cool thing - I got to bring one home to Josh. Kinda gross but cool nonetheless. And it turns out they were sort of made of fishing line. 100% nylon is what the doc said. Weird. Who knew. That does explain why they kept poking through my shirt and stabbing me in the leg through my jeans when I put my arm down in my lap. He he he. It was pretty funny the day I couldn't figure out the stabbing pain in my leg and then finally realized it was my stitches. But no more. They are gone now. And the incision looks really good. It isn't even all red and puffy. Woo hoo! And they were able to cut right over the old scar when they did the surgery so I'll have no more wounds than before. It is kinda funny though, I feel kinda like Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas.

This whole arm surgery / scar adventure has really hit home how thankful I am for the facial surgeon who worked on me. Man, God sure was looking out for me. To say the least. I can't believe I don't have any scars from that lady putting 2 plates in my face! She was able to go through and do all her work through my gums. What a trip! And a blessing! And she was only a resident I found out when I asked for her information to write her a thank you note. She'll be an awesome surgeon, that's for sure!

Let's see - what else...going back to work is coming up. All my therapists and my vocational counselor agreed that we're aiming for sometime in May. That's next month! That'll be right around the corner. And I talked to my TBI doc yesterday and she is on board too. She just has to fill out and send in the paperwork. Then it's up to Amgen if they want me back. Then I think I'll be the only brain injured scientist at the Helix. But then again, maybe not. Brain injury is definitely not something that leaves lasting marks. Isn't that weird? Who knew there was a way that someone could get hurt so bad and disabled forever with no way to tell by looking at them?!?! I never knew before but I found out that one of our friends got a brain injury when he was little and that my aunt had a brain injury when she was in her teens. And you'd never guess it with either of them. Maybe in a few years I'll be there too. That'll be a trip. I can only imagine telling someone about my accident and having it be a shock to them.

That's about all I've got for now. Have a good one. And if you think of it, throw up a little (or big) prayer for our friends Tom and Lucy. Their first baby is coming any day now. Oh baby Vo-Doodle, we can't wait to meet you.

Talk at ya soon,

Ang

Warning: this post contains adult language and references. Don't read any further if you're underage, please.

Well, it's sort of a bummer over here. Depression is back. And in full force.

Had a really hard time last night. Spent far too long crying in bed over all sorts of stuff. There were a few main points - first, I feel guilty again about being a big let down for Josh. Just really feel like I'm bringing him down and it breaks my heart. The last thing he needs is a big walking, talking reminder that his life sucks right now. Especially one that is always asking for help with this or that. Or that needs taking care of all the time. You think your patience is worn thin, just imagine being him for half a second. Second, I really feel ugly again. The pins and needles in my face has long worn out its welcome. I know it's not as bad as it feels like, but I also know that it is noticeable that the left side of my face doesn't move like its supposed to. I look a little stroke victim-esque. And again that mostly just makes me feel bad for Josh. The prettiness of his f-ing wife was taken away in the accident. WTF?!?!

Why does everything have to suck so bad? Why can't it just be a little bit easy for a minute? This is super lame.

I know, I'm totally waa-waa-ing. But that's about all I've got inside right now. I am just one big ball of wretch. And yeah, it sucks to be me right now. Bad.

As for the back-to-work question from the last post - I'm not back yet but I hope to be sometime next month. I'll probably try to start with two half-days per week and then go from there. We'll see how it all works out. As you can imagine, I'm sort of negative about it right this minute but we'll see. I'm sure it'll feel good to be back to something quasi-normal. Even if it's in a not-quite-so-normal way. Gotta take what I can get.

Enough of my little pity-party. Talk to y'all later. Hopefully I'll be out of my funk by then. Sorry about the big let-down post. Hope you're doing better than me.

Ang

Hey.

Sunshine and roses can't last forever, unfortunately. Been sort of struggling a bit yesterday and today. It's the age-old culprit who is so known and yet so effective - impatience. Argh! Just been sort of bummed lately with how big the difference is between my "old" life and what I've got now. Been especially frustrated with the little things. Like the tone in my left hand. What a pain in the arse it is to want to do something so bad but just not be able to make your fingers do what you need them to do. It is totally surreal to not be able to move your digits. It doesn't seem to matter how bad I want it to move or how hard I'm trying - no luck. Just can't seem to make it happen. And then a minute later it'll move no problem. Cue the frustration.

I've also been having a hard time with how hurt I still am. The operative word there is STILL. Seems like it's been forever and I'm still not better. That car must've really kicked my butt. Wow! I know I've come a long ways but this is sort of ridiculous. Who knew you could get this hurt in a mere second. No warning either. Just wham and you're down for the count. For the rest of your life.

However, it has not been all tough lately. Got a pretty good reminder of perspective on Easter Sunday. The priest at Gramma and Grampa's church said something pretty profound in his homily. He was talking about this lady who had been attacked and was impregnated in the 50's. She wasn't even allowed to be in her church choir because people wouldn't believe she had been attacked but rather would think she was promiscuous. She got pretty mad at God and kept asking why this happened and was pretty put off by God not taking care of her. Her priest at the time told her that she was suffering the consequences of one man's sin at one moment in time but to think of Jesus who suffered the consequence of everyone's sin at all times while he was on the cross. I thought that was pretty cool. Sort of sums things up. Sure, I'm suffering from one person's sin at one point in time and it sucks. But Jesus suffered for all of our sin for all time on the cross. WOW! What a God! Thank you, Jesus! And somehow he even found joy on the cross! That is pretty awesome! I have found very little joy in my suffering. Although there have been moments when I've heard of good things coming from all of this where I've had little trickles of joy. But man, oh man - I can't even imagine being willing to do this and being able to stop it and not doing so for the sake of someone else. Jesus must REALLY love us!

So that's at least a little good perspective. Sometimes good things can even come out of this poo pile I'm currently living in. Like me being able to deepen my understanding and my faith through this trial. At least it's not all a waste.

So that's pretty much what I've got. Hopefully I'll be all happy for the next post and y'all won't have to suffer through my "woe is me" for too long. Hope it wasn't too bad. Thanks for hanging in there.

Ang

Hi.

Well, still feeling really good about being me. So that's good. And officially on an adventure. Mom, Kathy, Tori, Gabrielle, and Kathryn and I went to Crack-I-Ma (Yakima) to spend Easter with Pops and Gram. Drive over was good last night. Pass was closed so it took a while but overall it went really well. Just slushy roads but no ice.

And Mom told me to think about something fun to do today and I came up with a master plan that we actually just got done carrying out. We did an official taste test to determine an answer to the age-old question: "What is the best hamburger in Yakima? Is it the Miner burger or the Lariat burger?" Up to this point I'd only tried the Lariat burger and LOVED it. So we went officially taste testing. We went to both burger joints and each got 1/2 a burger, fries, soda, and sauce for dipping the fries in. Mine were even cheeseburgers.

Well, hands down, the Miner burger is WAY better than the Lariat burger! It is a lot more substantial. The patty is bigger, the cheese is thicker sliced, there are actually good size, fresh tomatoes on it, and the onion is not just a ring or two, it's a whole slice. Plus it was served warmer. Both burgers had good sauce. The Miner burger was messier to eat but it tasted a lot better. And Miner fries were better too. They were crispier and had better flavor. Plus they had the option for curly fries. But it wasn't a total loss for Lariat - their fry sauce and ranch were a ton better. Their ranch seemed to be homemade and their fry sauce was tangy and delicious. Yum! Miner had weak Hidden Valley-style ranch and lame-o fry sauce.

With that huge question finally answered we are just hanging out now. We've got dinner with Pops and Gram and then church and lunch tomorrow with even more family. Should be fun. Certainly passes the time that the hotel Pops and Gram put us up in, thanks again, has a pool. My plan is to go check out the exercise room soon and walk on the treadmill a bit. Oh joy, exercise.

I'm glad to be here but I'll be super excited to get home to my husband and kitties. This was the first morning in quite some time that I didn't snuggle with Genghis. For those of you who might not know, that's my boy Siamese kitty who loves pets.

I think it might be a norm now not to post about how hard my life is and how everything sucks. Definitely more cheerful to read but possibly not as interesting. It is nice for me, though. Don't know if it makes sense to anyone else but I really, truly do feel a ton more like me again just hurt right now. I don't feel like a handicapped poon suck any more. I might be just as much of a poon suck as ever but at least I don't feel guilty about it any more. I just feel like I'm hurt and need a little extra help with some stuff for a while.

Ok. That's all I've got. Talk to you soon.

Ang