Angela's Blog

Hey.

Sunshine and roses can't last forever, unfortunately. Been sort of struggling a bit yesterday and today. It's the age-old culprit who is so known and yet so effective - impatience. Argh! Just been sort of bummed lately with how big the difference is between my "old" life and what I've got now. Been especially frustrated with the little things. Like the tone in my left hand. What a pain in the arse it is to want to do something so bad but just not be able to make your fingers do what you need them to do. It is totally surreal to not be able to move your digits. It doesn't seem to matter how bad I want it to move or how hard I'm trying - no luck. Just can't seem to make it happen. And then a minute later it'll move no problem. Cue the frustration.

I've also been having a hard time with how hurt I still am. The operative word there is STILL. Seems like it's been forever and I'm still not better. That car must've really kicked my butt. Wow! I know I've come a long ways but this is sort of ridiculous. Who knew you could get this hurt in a mere second. No warning either. Just wham and you're down for the count. For the rest of your life.

However, it has not been all tough lately. Got a pretty good reminder of perspective on Easter Sunday. The priest at Gramma and Grampa's church said something pretty profound in his homily. He was talking about this lady who had been attacked and was impregnated in the 50's. She wasn't even allowed to be in her church choir because people wouldn't believe she had been attacked but rather would think she was promiscuous. She got pretty mad at God and kept asking why this happened and was pretty put off by God not taking care of her. Her priest at the time told her that she was suffering the consequences of one man's sin at one moment in time but to think of Jesus who suffered the consequence of everyone's sin at all times while he was on the cross. I thought that was pretty cool. Sort of sums things up. Sure, I'm suffering from one person's sin at one point in time and it sucks. But Jesus suffered for all of our sin for all time on the cross. WOW! What a God! Thank you, Jesus! And somehow he even found joy on the cross! That is pretty awesome! I have found very little joy in my suffering. Although there have been moments when I've heard of good things coming from all of this where I've had little trickles of joy. But man, oh man - I can't even imagine being willing to do this and being able to stop it and not doing so for the sake of someone else. Jesus must REALLY love us!

So that's at least a little good perspective. Sometimes good things can even come out of this poo pile I'm currently living in. Like me being able to deepen my understanding and my faith through this trial. At least it's not all a waste.

So that's pretty much what I've got. Hopefully I'll be all happy for the next post and y'all won't have to suffer through my "woe is me" for too long. Hope it wasn't too bad. Thanks for hanging in there.

Ang