Holy Smokes!

Yesterday was AWESOME! The party went really well!

To God be the glory! The day started out with my last post an then I sat down and had some good time talking to Jesus. He brought me back to my favorite verse - Joshua 1:9. It says, "Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous. Do not be weak. Do not be terrified. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Then He reminded me that I am His perfect creation - the way I am now. Just because I got hurt didn't change His view of me. And I was reminded that He would be with me all day. All through the party. He'd be with me when everything was fine and He'd be with me if I felt overwhelmed. That was so comforting.

Then we got ready and went to Feedback. And when I got there I got a serious surprise - Feedback donated all the food for the day! And it was great food! We had chips with queso dip, spinach artichoke dip, chili verde, marinated mushrooms, and bread. And my next door neighbor from when I was growing up made the most awesome cake and brought it. Check it out:

And the turnout was fantastic! Probably about 100 people came. From all sorts of different areas of my life. Some from grade school and high school, some from church, some family, some family friends, some therapists from this whole accident adventure, some health care providers, some from church, some Josh's friends and family friends, and the list goes on. It was great!

And I did well too. There were a lot of people there but I'm pretty sure I said hi to everyone who came. And a handful I actually had conversations with. And I never had to go sit in the car. I recognized that the crowd was very big but I never felt overwhelmed or unsettled. Again, I completely thank Jesus for that one.

And we filled up almost the entire food bank bucket, plus we brought a lot of business to Feedback and we introduced a lot of hopefully returning customers to Feedback. And, for the second time, Feedback totally spoiled me. They said they were going to keep the Honeybush drink special going all night and that they would donate $1 from each one sold throughout the day and night to my fund to help with medical bills. Wow!

Plus I got to meet one of the owners of Feedback and he was a super nice guy. Everyone there was. All the staff worked their butts off and were so kind! So if you're ever out and hungry or thirsty I strongly encourage you to frequent Feedback Lounge! Not only are the food and drinks really good, but so are the hearts of the people who work there.

And then Jesus totally took care of the rest of the night too. I was pretty tired after the party so I wasn't able to pay very much attention to anything including my husband. But it was his birthday yesterday so I really wanted it to be a special day for him too. And two of our good friends invited us over after the party to have yummy steak dinner and watch the UFC fights. It was perfect! I couldn't have made the night special and about him if we'd have just gone home so God completely delivered someone else to! Thank you, Jesus! Yet another answered prayer! And our friends that we went to got Josh the most AWESOME birthday present EVER! They got him a bottle of bourbon (his favorite) and signed it from all the members of New Kids On The Block! :) Yessssssss! A couple weeks before they had gotten me a NKOTB DVD much to Josh's dismay that he's had to sit through far more than he will ever admit. And this was their icing on the cake! I love it!

You guys rock!

That's what I've got for today. If you were there, thanks for coming to the party! It was fantastical!

Talk at ya later,

Ang

Good morning.

Here we are at party day. The big one year party is in about four hours. And I figured I'd use this as a good forum to try to process what's going on on the inside. So hang in there with me, please.

I'm excited about the party. But I'm pretty nervous too. I feel like this is going to be the first big test of where I'm at brain-wise. Before the accident I would have loved every second of it - I would have been going a mile a minute and I would have been involved in as many conversations as possible all at the same time. But today I think it's going to be a little different. I'm going to have to go with one conversation at a time and I know that it tires me out to be in crowds now. Mom and Josh have been assigned the "watch my eyes" task. I don't really get it but they say my eyes look different when I'm getting worn out. So their job is to help me take breaks before the complete meltdown. And as weird as this might sound to everyone besides me - the plan for "breaks" is for me to go sit in the car by myself.

I am pretty darn freaked out about the party. I'm really glad we're doing it - I want to say thanks to everyone who's been on this adventure with us. But I am just worried that I'm not going to be able to handle it. I know it's going to be pretty much an entire afternoon of saying hi to different people and giving hugs. But that's exactly what I'm worried about - what if I can't switch gears like that any more. What if just saying hi and giving hugs is too much for me. That will be really hard. It'll be hard because of the situation but it'll be REALLY hard because it would be SO different than before. Then I'll really have to come to terms with the truth that this brain injury has changed me A LOT. And I don't know if I'm emotionally ready for that. I've been living in my own little world where I feel like I'm "back to normal" brain-wise. I get everything at work and I don't feel like my ability to think is really all that different than before the accident. I just live in this little world where I consider physical limitations as my biggest challenge. What if that's not it? What if there's more brain issues than I thought? I think that'll be really hard for me. I don't want to feel handicapped mentally. And up to this point I've managed to convince myself that I'm not. But what if this type of situation throws all that to the wind. I think I might have to go see someone (shrink wise) if this is really hard for me. I'm pretty sure it'll freak me out that much.

So anyways, now that I'm sitting here typing and crying, I think it is time for me to go. I'm going to go sit and have some good prayer time about this. I need Jesus! I feel weak and vulnerable. And God can protect me and get me through this.

I'll let you know how it all went.

Have a good one. And maybe I'll see you in a few hours.

Ang

Hola!

How's it going? I'm doing pretty well. Sure was nice to get so many comments on the last post. And even from a virgin commenter. Welcome! Seems like as soon as I think nobody's reading this any more I hear from somebody new that they're following it. Cool! I hope I'm not too boring now that things have slowed down some. No more awesome minute to minute updates about whether I'm going to make it or walk again. Or who I've been pinching, hitting, kicking, or throwing poop at. Now I'm back to just boring old me. Just working and hanging with the kitties and watching movies and being a wife. Pretty welcome lame-out if you ask me! Nothing too big and exciting to report right now. I'm really looking forward to my one year party this Saturday! Should be a great time. And the people at Feedback were kind enough to offer to put out a drink special of some delicious summer drink they make called the Honeybush and then donate $1 from each one sold to my fund to help with medical bills.

I guess I do have one tiny piece of what will hopefully become big news - I set up my neurofeedback. I'm going to start on September 9th. I'm really excited about it and will definitely write about it after it starts.

That's about it for me. I'm in the process of trying to set up a road trip to SpokaVegas (Spokane) to introduce my sister to all the family over there. We'll see how that pans out.

Have a great day.

Ang

Hi.

Today has been quite a day! Is my official one-year! Pretty much insane when you stop and think about how far I've come in only one year. Just looking at those pictures from day one in the hospital really hits it home!

So today has been a day of celebration. I made cupcakes to bring into work - funfetti, of course. But let's start at the beginning. I had Jimmy pick me up this morning and drive me to work at approximately the butt crack of dawn. Just a little extra precaution to make sure that I finally actually made it into work on the 18th of August. And he was nice enough to drop me off at the gym so I could still do yoga class this morning. Yoga was, of course, awesome! In the very beginning of class the teacher dedicated the class to me. And the best part of it was at the very end when we finished five minutes early and then proceeded to do the pig pose. The pig pose pretty much consists of stuffing your face full of cupcake while sitting in a yoga class. :-)

Then I got to enjoy a nice lunch with Jonah. We went and had Japanese food. Yum! And it has been pretty shocking the number of people who have taken time to say to me today how glad they are that I'm back. I am full of a nice warm and fuzzy feeling. And Jimmy agreed to take me home at the end of the day too. Then Josh and I have dinner reservations to have our own little celebration tonight. We're having dinner at Benihana. Should be tasty!

Don't think I've mentioned it yet but I finally got my Bioness! It is awesome! And I use it every day twice a day. I usually use it first thing in the morning when I get up and then try to cram it in somewhere else during the day too. When I first got it I started with 20 minute sessions. Now I'm up to one hour sessions. And I think it might actually be helping. It's supposed to be really good for tone management and God knows I need that!

Had a pretty big event this weekend too. Went out to my sister's house on the Kitsap Peninsula on Saturday to a BBQ. Food and company was great but I think my favorite part was all the animals. Got to see the pigs and piglets, the ducks, the goats, the turkeys, the dogs, and the cats. Freakin' fantastic! So cute!

That's just about all I've got for now. Hope you're having a good day.

Ang

Hi.

Things are going great here. Had a very busy week. Filled with lots of fun stuff. Monday night I dropped off Josh at the airport to go on a business trip. He went to Southern California to have a little taste of summer. So needless to say I spent the whole week partying it up, trying not to dwell on the fact that I was a single woman.

Tuesday was a great night for my friend Shannon came over and we got to hang out for a bit. Then Wednesday I went to the first TBI support group for young adults meeting for new group, that just formed at the UW. It was actually really great. There were other TBI survivors there, friends and family of those survivors, and even some educators of kids with TBI. And the group is led by a guy that I went to high school with. I never knew in high school that he had a TBI but I reconnected with him at the TBI conference this year a few months ago. I think the support group will be really good for me - it'll give me a chance to connect with other people who have TBI, get lots of information, and connect me with a lot of TBI resources. Then last night my friend Erin came over and we tried to watch a movie completely unsuccessfully because my Netflix took a big dump on me but we were completely successful with eating a very tasty dinner! Pasta with meat sauce, garlic bread, and Caesar salad. A feast fit for Queens!

And I did some really fun stuff with my mom yesterday. We got to go to JC Penney and do a little shopping. I got three T-shirts, one other shirt, and two hats. The hats are my favorite things! They are freaking awesome! I got one sock monkey hat and one bunny hat. Both are super cute! If and when you run into me do ask me about them. I have pictures of both of them on my phone. And goodness knows I'd love to show you. Plus before going to JC Penney, I got to go have a really nice lunch with Josh's mom. It was great! It was super nice to get to spend some time with her and connect. I think we just might make that a pretty common occurrence.

Now Josh is home. Yay! And we've got a dinner date with our friend Ted. Super tasty Mexican food is on the docket. Beacon Hill, here we come.

And no super huge plans for this weekend. Although I do have something I'm pretty excited about for tomorrow -there's a party at my sisters house and we're going to stop by. I'm most excited to see and hang out with my sister and I'm also pretty excited to squeeze at least one of her goats. I think she said she has three. So I'll be chasing and loving on livestock tomorrow. Don't know if it gets any better than that!

That's what I got for now. Talk at you later.

Ang

Hey there.

First things first, thanks so much for all the replies. It really is a good motivator for me to keep doing the blog.

I did watch the movie on The Case for Faith. It was great! I recommend it to anyone who has the question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I think it does a great job of looking at that in light of the fact that there is a God, even a good God. Just kind of hits home for me how we don't know God's master plan and we really falter when we try to make God's plan match our plan.

And in light of that, I think it is really cool how people are reading this blog who have never even met me. Wow! Makes me feel like this is part of God's big plan for this accident. I'm effecting the lives of perfect strangers through this struggle and making a difference even for them. Points out to me how I probably couldn't even grasp it even if I did get a peek at God's big picture. Whew!

And hey, Ali, I had your friend, Janet, as my OT for two weeks when my regular OT was on vacation. Small world, huh!?!?

As for the Bioness - it's getting set up for me on this coming Tuesday. And I'm super excited about it! I think it'll really be helpful for me. Although I am a bit nervous because my OT mentioned something about me wearing it at work too. Might be sort of cumbersome to drag it to work and back on the bus.

And work is going great, by the way. I even got to help Jimmy inoculate tanks yesterday. And I successfully blew the PBS out of 10 tanks employing the work around my OT and I came up with. Success! I feel pretty darn good about running my experiments now. I feel completely capable! Maybe not as fast as I used to be, but I still think I can get it all done. And Monday marks the dawning of a new era at work. I'm getting my own cells for the first time since the accident! A little nervous but mostly just excited. We'll see how it goes.

And a really cool thing I got to do this week - I got to talk to the husband who is part of the couple who stopped and helped me the day of my accident. They were the ones who saw me in the street, pulled over, called 911, and then waited with me until the medics came. They even moved their car to block traffic to make sure I didn't get run over. It was really nice to get to say "thanks". Both Josh and I got to thank him. I'm so glad he picked up! Turns out they have since moved but he is supposed to visit in the next few months and said he'd call us when he's in town so we can take him out to dinner. Yeah!

And Josh and I got a little taste of normalcy last night. I took Josh out for a date night. It was so nice! We went to El Quetzal - a top notch Mexican restaurant on Beacon Hill. And I made it a surprise and wouldn't tell Josh where we were going before hand. And then we ate so much we had to come home and take naps. :) That's how we do it, Sweet style.

That's about what I've got for now.

We're headed to a friend's house for a party today. And I think I'm going to take my "hardware" with me. My "hardware" is what they took out of my arm. This friend of ours offered to have one of his friends weld it together and make something out of it. And our friend came up with a pretty cool sketch up of how to make it into a cross. I think I'm going to take him up on that offer. I'll post a picture of it when I get it back.

Okay. Talk at ya later.

Ang

Hi.

Things are going pretty well here. Had a great weekend! My sister came and spent the night Friday night. AWESOME!!! She is RAD! I really enjoyed getting to spend some time with her and getting to know her a little bit. Then on Saturday we met up with my brother and his family and had lunch. Got to see my nephew, Angelo, again and boy, is he something else!!! He's talkative as all get out and cute as can be. He'll be one later this month. What a doll!

And I had a really good day at work today too. I got to help Jimmy with some harvests and it went surprisingly well. Turns out the work-around that my OT and I came up with works well to get the smaller tubing off a filter or a hose barb. Yeah! I'm beginning to think I might be able to do everything I could do before - it just might take me a little longer. The whole idea of having my own experiments is not quite so freaky any more. I think I can handle it.

And I did come to a new realization yesterday. I went to my uncle's house in Ballard and had a family dinner. When I got home I was spent! I don't know if it's because I drove myself there and back solo or if I coupled that with hanging out with a crowd. But I had to take a nap last night and when I woke up from it I just went to bed. Crazy! Especially considering it's been quite a while since I've had to nap. But this did hit home that if I get to this it is not an option for me to drive myself to therapy and then drive myself to work. Unless Amgen wants to pay me to sleep. Then it might be a possibility. And I found out one other thing yesterday too - it wasn't distracting for me at all to have songs I knew playing while I drove but I was super distracted by songs I didn't know on the radio. I think it might be that I can tune it out or just let it be background if it's familiar but if I don't know it then I am trying to divide my attention and pay attention to it. Which is not an option if I'm trying to drive. I think this might come up at work too. I can do lab work if something familiar is playing but I don't know if I'll be able to with the radio on playing songs I don't know. We'll see.

So all is well for the most part around here. I've been having little bits of struggle with where I'm at lately but they are relatively fleeting. I go through little bouts of being quasi depressed for a minute because I just imagine that this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. It is never going to be easy or comfortable to walk again, my left arm is never going to go straight again, my arms aren't going to swing when I walk ever again, and my left side muscles are going to feel tight for the rest of my life. These things may be true but who knows. If you can make a minute, I would really appreciate some prayer here. Prayer for continued healing and to rest in knowing that I am in God's hands and He has a plan for me that is best for me. Prayer that I can let Him take the wheel and surrender myself to him would be great. It's just sort of weird and a little disappointing when I picture myself as a sixty or seventy year old woman who still can't put her arm straight or who still doesn't swing her arms when she walks. Just sort of a bummer.

Well, that's where I'm at. Hope y'all are well.

Thanks for keeping up.

And feel free to post any questions you might have. Heck, feel free to post. I'm beginning to wonder if anyone is still reading this. I keep getting feedback from people that they are, but posting here and there wouldn't hurt so I have tangible reminders that this is being read. At least by somebody.

Talk at ya later,

Ang