Angela's Blog

Hello.

I'm still around. Just been busy. But along with that goes lots to talk about on the blog. So here goes:

So much to discuss - where to start? Might as well start with HBOT. I've started. Done 2 treatments already. Got 38 more to go. It's going okay. No big difference noticed yet. But the treatments are good. I just lay in the chamber with an oxygen mask on for about an hour and watch a movie. First time in I fell asleep so that's always an option too. But I have no problems with it. Haven't had my ears pop or anything yet. Haven't felt pressure in my sinus' or my ears so that's good. It's easy from my end so I don't mind it at all.

I got to go back to the pool too. Not quite as easy as HBOT. It kicked my butt actually! But it was good too. And I did a few laps in the pool and was able to do one where I backstroked and then took breaks to tread water in the middle of it all. Neato! And I was able to get a lot more help from my left arm to tread water too! Awesome! For the first time I think I actually physically wore myself out during my pool time. If my body could talk it would have said, "just sit down, please". It reminded me of how I used to feel doing super hard workouts or just pushing my body to its breaking point. Kind of neat to feel that way again. I was pretty much done without any physical pain. Kind of nice to get there sans pain. Haven't done that for a while.

And had both my TBI groups again. This time with more people in both of them. Still like them both. And again I cried in the psychotherapy group - twice even. And again no one else did. I think I'll feel better when someone else cries, at least a little. Right now I'm the lone tear haver. We'll see how much longer that lasts. Mom says it's just because I feel like I have something to cry about. I guess that's true. Maybe it's a spring chicken problem. If everybody else (almost) has had their brain injury way longer than me maybe they just don't have anything to cry about any more. Sure hope I won't always feel like I have something to cry about.

What else? Got to go to a friend's house for a really fun dinner. And got to meet their chiwiener. It's a chihuahua / wiener dog mix. Super cute! We had nice dinner and great conversation. They were super comfortable so I had a really nice time. And it was sort of enlightening hearing them confirm that when I feel like I'm a burden on Josh I should reach behind me, grab my hair, and pull it nice and hard to dislodge my head from my ass. Josh has been telling me that feeling is BS from the start but it was nice to hear that other people think it's idiotic too.

And had a big breakthrough personal-wise too. Last Tuesday at community group I identified that I'm pretty much just sitting in the sin of refusing to forgive the person who did this to me and a few other choice people who shall remain unnamed. I totally acknowledged that I knew I was supposed to forgive them, but I didn't even want to. I felt like it was just for me to not forgive them because the stuff they did was so wrong. And I was just sitting in it sort of pleased at knowing that if they didn't repent they'd go to hell for it. Not good on my part. So I quasi took some action and prayed for Christ to change my heart on the matter. So all week God's just been putting on my heart that I don't even know what happened. Maybe no one even did hit me. So holding on to hating that person who may not even exist is doing me no good. Then this morning at church the sermon really broke it down for me as a lack of obedience on my part. I know I'm supposed to forgive I just don't want to. And it really pointed out that praying for heart change on this matter may not be enough. What I want is for God to remove my sin nature and selfishness that's concerned about my comfort. Not going to happen. But what He can and will do is make me see that I want to love and honor Him more than myself. So I forgave the person (if he or she does exist) that caused the accident as well as the other unnamed people this morning not because of my changed sinless heart but as an act of obedience to my good and gracious God who has forgiven me of so much already. Even stuff I did that was bad and wrong and could have huge effects on others before I became a Christian. That's huge!!! God showed me that I could have ruined people's lives or hurt their kids when I was a drug dealer and He's forgiven me for that. Fully. So I shouldn't even want to hold onto this as something REALLY bad that someone did that ruined my life that I don't want them to be forgiven for. I've already enjoyed forgiveness for so much that I should be the first to want others to experience it since I know how awesome it is. Pretty freeing to know I'm not holding onto all that even in my subconscious anymore. Feels good. And feels like a big step in the right direction! If I can do something like this to praise God and bring Him glory then sign me up!

I think that's about all I've got for now. Oh yeah, and Mom and Josh, I've just started chapter five so get off my butt about it.

Maybe it'd be fun to do another question and answer post. So post any questions you might have and I'll do what I can to answer them. Looking forward to them.

And I promise not to wait so darn long before I post again. Sorry about that.

Talk at ya soon.

Ang