Angela's Blog

The last few days have been better. Not that it takes much, but hey, I'll take what I can get. Even a little bit better is welcome.

Josh has been home with me the last few days. It makes me feel much better. Although tears prevailed today despite him being here. Bummer. Today I was sort of overwhelmed with feeling like less of a person than I used to be before my accident. I tried to fight that off with the knowledge that I am not viewed as less of a daughter of God now than before. That helped.

I've been pretty frustrated lately with seemingly everything reminding me that I am still hurt. Every morning I wake up and go through my mental checklist. Unfortunately every morning I'm disappointed discovering that my pins and needles are still there on my whole left side, my arm is still hard to move, my leg is still hard to move, and my face still feels frozen on the left. Sort of a hard way to wake up. And it just seems to set the stage for the hard day that follows.

Yesterday I made tiny progress. I made it almost 45 minutes in my terminator brace so that's good. And every time I go over my progress with my mom and/or Josh they seem so much happier than me. They unfortunately can remember how bad off I was at the very beginning of all this so they see how far I've really made it. I can't remember any of that so I don't have a good point of reference. All I can compare to is before all this crap happened which is just sort of depressing because I am so far from there. Oh well, just keep going I guess.

I keep daydreaming about when this is all just a memory. I can't wait for that. And one of my friends gave me a good outlook on that because she said her dad had only 1 hand when she was growing up and she hardly even noticed it. It was just normal for her. It never scared her or anything. I've been sort of scared about how if I do get better, I mean when I do get better, once I have kids they are going to think my elbow is freaky. As the swelling keeps going down the screws and brackets are sticking out even more. See...

Kinda crazy, huh?!?!

And here's my two braces I'm living with now. Again, ultimate reminders of how hurt I still am. The first is the torture device. I'm up to 4 hours in it now. Boy, does it hurt. The 2nd and 3rd are the terminator. That one sure is a trip.

Thanks for keeping up,

Ang